Stones of Remembrance

I've felt God urging me to share a piece of my testimony. The past two years have been a personal hell. A broken marriage, children in crisis, a house filled with anger and chaos, a hopelessness that on some days felt unbearable.

I’ve come to believe that God allows our mess because in our darkest moments when our knees hit the floor, we finally surrender in our realization that we can’t do it in our own strength. Our mess is so big and deep we can’t change our circumstances or fix our problems, only he can. But the amazing thing that happens, is in the process, if we let him, he changes us.

Philippians 1:12 says, “Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel.” I want to make sure every tear that has fallen, every battle I’ve fought means something. I truly believe if we allow him, he’ll use every detail. Someone else is going to find healing through our pain.

At the end of 2020 our pastor implored us to ask God for a word for the year. I felt God tell me my word was Trust or Trust Me. Through the valleys and lows of 2021, I continually cried out, “Where are you God? Are you even here? You told me to Trust you!” He kept affirming he was with me. Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Psalm 18:16-19 “He reached down from Heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me. They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress, but the Lord supported me. He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me.” He was always here.

As 2021 was coming to a close, I was lying in bed one night defeated by my day and circumstances. I remember saying, “you said to trust you. I have, and I’m still here in this mess!” I just kept hearing trust me, over and over. I remember saying, “Well, if that’s my word for this year, I don’t even want to know what my word is for next year.” I instantly heard freedom!

I started to doubt that’s what God had said. Fast forward to February and April. My husband and I attended Freedom 4 Me, a seminar that centers on healing the broken heart, identifying and removing lies from the heart, how to really forgive and strongholds. This seminar changed my life.

Through my surrender God’s changed my heart. Where my heart was once broken it’s now healed and whole. My whole life I’ve struggle with self-esteem and acceptance, but now I know who I am, because I truly know who’s I am. 1 John 4:4. There’s now peace where there was once emptiness.

A year and a half ago, a dear friend shared with me The Lion of Judah is Roaring Over Your Home by Lana Vawser Ministries. I’ve been praying the Lion of Judah over our home since then. Lana closes with Zechariah 9:12 “Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double.” God has so much more for us than we can imagine for ourselves.

In the midst of my darkest days, I continually heard God say to me, "I’m still good.” That’s so hard to hear when you’re in the middle of a storm and can’t see the light, but I’m here to tell you even then, he’s still good. He’s still with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Don’t give up on that promise, dream, or word he gave you. Trust him! Isaiah 43:19 “For I am about to do something new. See I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

These are just a few of the scriptures God has sustained me with. This is just the beginning of what God has for me and you. Keep running your race friend!

Luke 1:45 “and blessed is she who believed that there would be fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”

2 Corinthians 2:15 “For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.”

Philippians 1:6 “I am certain that God, who began the good work within you will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day Jesus Christ returns.”

Isaiah 61:1 “The spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,” and Luke 4:18 “The spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.”

2 Corinthians 4: 7-12 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”

Isaiah 54:17 “no weapon formed against me shall prosper.”

2 Thessalonians 3:3 “The Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one.”

Romans 8:31 “If God is for us who can be against us.”

Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Judges 6:12 “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”

Isaiah 6:8 “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” and I said, “here am I. Send me.”

There is Freedom - Josh Baldwin